The Curious Side Effect of Sleep

About a week ago, I was beginning to get worried. It had started out as a slight case of heartache, followed by the inevitable crash in appetite and a small number of not-quite-slept-through nights. Then I had begun to feel better, and yet, I was still not sleeping. Even when I went to bed exhausted, I would wake up in the middle of the night, or at least well before my wakeup time, and that was it. For one or two days, I would get tired towards the middle of the afternoon, but as soon as I went to bed at night, it was as if someone had switched on a light in my head, preventing me from being sleepy where I really needed it.

Then I noticed that although I thought I wasn’t getting any rest, I didn’t feel bad. I still wasn’t eating much, but I had lost the anxiety and no longer got tired until late at night. I continued waking up at odd hours but had plenty of energy.

 Last night, I slept. And it was the worst night I’ve had this year. At a reasonable time, I turned off my tv without having fallen asleep on the futon once. I got ready for bed, put the guinea pig away, and climbed under the covers to read a bit. As soon as I turned off the reading lamp, I was overcome by a horrific bout of something. I ended up crying desperately for perhaps five or ten minutes, desperate both to get this out of my system and because I really didn’t know what had brought it on. After that, I slept until only a short while before the alarm went off.

And oddly enough, this night is turning out to have been a major setback. I’m sleepy, unconcentrated, anxious, hungry but unable to eat, and entirely unmotivated. No matter where I look into my plans for the future, I see no silver lining. On top of all that, I just realized it’s only two o’clock in the afternoon. I’ve been here since eleven.

 I truly wish someone had all the answers. I could use a few right about now.


2 thoughts on “The Curious Side Effect of Sleep

  1. You need to talk to someone about the possibility of depression. There could be other things in the back of your head that just aren’t coming to the front.

    Of course, you’re now on your own with an uncertain future and only you to take care of yourself. Welcome to what I’ve more or less dealt with over the last 20+ years.

  2. Actually, I think on the whole, things are looking up. I went to bed around 1030 last night, went to sleep relatively quickly, and didn’t wake up until just before the bells rang 6. I’m still a bit sleepy, but I’m having a better day than my colleague who took his trash out last night, slipped on ice, and broke his wrist.

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